Chapter 8: why i love white people!

Yhoh! Yhoh! Yhoh! Wat a nyt! Ya neh!

So I partied with wyt folk last nyt… baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea! I woke up still drunk! Enough about that, lets get to the juicy bits!

Let me set the scene: I was the only blk girl besides the help. Place was swarming with people born post 1989 (I didn’t even know those existed). The children of the female kind were dressed in heels that make Beyonce look lyk she wears flats. & their dresses looked more lyk tablecloths- as sum1 put it “I can see fanny”!

So the 1^st 15 minutes were awesome! Cos uyazi mos I cudnt wait 2 whip out my Bantu dance moves… I felt lyk Ciara up in there! Then, I succumbed to my environment *smh* I started dancing lyk them, bopping my head, moving my body al willy nilly. It was a sad sad sight. So I did wat any1 else wud do- I drank!

The 1st scene I see when I walk in, is this child on the floor, crying, and her friends are also on the floor consoling her *confused look* (never see that in a black club). Then within like 5 seconds sum fool fell KWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! That happened like 7 times tho.

So the music was on pizoint tho, esp since they played Trey! There was a moment when DJ played Bieber…. U shuda seen the wyt boys leave the dance floor! Hahahahaha! But shame hey, some ppl were just not gifted with rhythm wayitsi…. Yhuu I just cudnt stand by and idly watch anymore. So, I took it upon myself 2 teach the crew I was with some of “our” moves, & I can say proudly that there are three wyt ppl out there who now know how 2 do ‘iscooter’ & ‘cutting the cake’. *round of applause*

But props must be given tho 2 da DJ(s), I remember everyone “dancing” to Malaika-Destiny, Cndo-Amaretto & Waka Waka. So to anyone who says RSA is segregated must just calm down, we come to play when it suits us, and when we do, we play pretty well.

& then on the way to the bathroom I saw an open condom wrapper on the floor *jaw drops to the floor*. I lieth not!

Upon looking at last nyts pix this morning, I can safely say that I love wyt ppl! They make us blks seem somewhat normal. I thought dancehall dancefloors were brothellie- but yhuu shame, Ftv Village Walk Dance floor last nyt was the set of a porno! & I was pretty well behaved. (believe it or not) I only got out of control @ McDs when buying hangover food =) I kinda sent a wyt guy to go steal me a Sunflower, I figured I’d o to jail if I did it… since wyt ppl do that vandally ish al da tym (& get away with it)!

But no hey… wyt ppl shud cum with a warning label: PARTY WITH US AT UR OWN RISK!

Chapter 7: Loving You

Fuck it- im tired!

Please stop whining and complaining about how your man is this that and the other- i REALLY dnt wanna hear it.

When will you learn that you & only you have the ability to make yourself happy?! If he’s such an ass or a cheater LEAVE HIM. & then you say “but he wasn’t like this before” well, I firmly believe that no-one changes overnight. Girl- the signs were there long before but you just chose to ignore them thinking you could change him! Bitch, if his mama cudnt make a decent man out of him who the fuck do you think you are to try?!

Women (in the past) were so indoctrinated (big word) to believe and practice that their purpose in life was to make man’s & everyone else’s life easier, for this I blame the Bible. We were taught that we aren’t of any worth unless we become a wife and a mother & build a happy loving home for our family. We were taught to be the dependable one, the rock- the solid foundation so that when life falls apart everyone can lean on us. Basically told not to be human! It’s a lot of pressure ya’ll! They even used to called PMS hysteria! *rolls eyes*

Its 2010 and sum women still live their lives according to someone else’s description and idea. I’m not that girl, shame. I am my #1 priority. Not my man, not my fam, not my frends- cos this is how I see it: how can I be the “best” for everyone else if im not the “best” for me? I am selfish beyond any reasonable doubt. The great Katt Williams once said “Bitch it's called SELF-ESTEEM! It's esteem of your mothafuckin' self. How am I gonna fuck up how you feel about you simple bitch?”.  *AMEN* Stop tryna get other people to validate your worth or purpose on this earth- cos girl, u gonna wait around for a very long time.

And another thing, ya’ll need to masturbate more. Im serious. I’ve never thought that I NEED a man for anything vele. But once I started having sex I used to think ok, so men do hav sum use… THEN, I masturbated! Oh laaaaaaaaaaawwd! *choir singing* FUCK MEN! People are so caught up on the notion that you need another human being to make you happy or “complete” you- not me. I now know wat mama meant when she said ‘God gives you enough to survive’, the rest are just added benefits.

So what did we learn? You as you are awesome! And if you aren’t, come to me I will teach how to be awesome. (hahahahahaha)! & never ever let anyone other than u dictate ur lyf 2u. true happiness can only be found once you as you as an individual are complete. And yes, sometimes it is ok to be selfish. And the greatest lesson learnt is…. MASTURBATE! It’s the pinnacle, the climax, the peak of true love. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Chapter 6: Rape

Disclaimer: this article may offend some people. It is not my intention, but I have to express the way in which I perceive this issue. I cannot relate with the topic but I can as a citizen of this country see how it has affected us as a nation, & as a woman I feel I do have some ground to discuss this. I do not have all the answers but I am, will and can express my opinion.

Ok. Rape. *sigh* I hate it, I hate what it has done to many women in this country and some men who have been wrongfully accused. Yes, they exist. But I also hate how many women get aped, don’t say shit & expect the system to help them OR don’t get raped, say they did, and abuse the system.

Like I said I have never been raped and therefore cannot fully comprehend the psychological and emotional effects it has on an individual- but I do as a Psyc student know wat happens to a person when shit lyk this does happen in their life. Im not saying go to hospital/police immediately after being raped- but dnt sit there & say the system doesn’t help raped women if you yourself didn’t go to the system to get help.

A problem can only ever be solved if everyone it affects stands up & speaks up. I don’t know but it seems pretty logical to me. Sitting in your misery will not get the perp caught and apprehended. Am I the only person who gets that?

And then these bitches who claim to be raped (for whatever reason) but really weren’t?! *confused face* you bitches are the ones who make it difficult for the real women who we raped to come forth. The whole “the boy who cried wolf” angle is selfish, careless, irresponsible and down right fucked up! And I hope, that those bitches get punished the same way a man who did rape would be!

The world cannot help you if you do not help yourself. It is as simple as that. If you have been raped and have not gone to the system I urge you to, not only will it help in getting rid of this vile crime in our country- but I will also help you on your journey to healing. Once we as a society stand up against this horrendous crime- it will aid the other many many girls and women who live this nightmare everyday of their lives.

Like I said, I cannot fully relate wit a rape survivor but I want South Africa to be a country that all citizens can be proud of- & I will do my bit for my country wherever I can. *see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil* is so 1990s, lets build a better RSA 4 ALL hey.

Chapter 5: These Lyrics

Today i will not say much, i will let a song that is 14 years old say it all.

PS- no i didnt get laid, i jut found myself singing it....
All i can say is: WOW!!!

Disclaimer: do not read this if u r horny... notice the parts i have hilighted in pink.
(More text by me at the end)

AZ YET- Last Night

Last night you were so into it
You told me secrets that
You've never told a soul
You were so nervous and
yet oh so comfortable
As we explored your image of love
I drank your wine
As you taste mine
I kissed your lips
You felt my body slip
Into your soul
I almost cried 'cause it was so beautiful

[Chorus:]
Last night
I was inside of you
Last night
While making love to you
I saw the sun , the moon
The mountains and the rivers
I saw heaven when I made sweet love to you

Last night, there was no planning it
It was so special and
So very innocent
We talked of memories
Our favorite fantasies
As we explored our visions of love
Deep in the night
Right by the fireside
You felt my candlelight
In your soul
You felt incredible
I started to explode
I almost cried 'cause it was so beautiful

[Chorus]

Sunlight, red roses
The scent of you, it calms the heart
The sight of you, I fall apart
Moonlight, the things we notice
When we're in love, that's when it comes
And I'm so in love, I'm so in love 




LET US PARAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Q1: where hav men who think like this disappeared to?
Q2: where hav men who think like this disappeared to?
Q3: where hav men who think like this disappeared to?


WOW! i am at a lose for words.

Chapter 4: Nikki & Lil Kim "beef"

DISCLAIMER: the next piece MAY have some un "lady-like" language- quite fitting when you consider the people its about.

So… this Lil Kim vs Nikki Minaj “beef” has me rather annoyed. Im here to put an end to it, right now!

Nikki is NOT beefing wit Kim, for that to happen Kim would have to be considered an important part of the current music scene- which she isn’t. She’s a wash out who is tryna get her name back in the press- magogo go retire or something *does talk to the hand motion*.

But Kim might be beefing with Nikki and its understandable why, cause Kim is a loser. Here are reasons why Kim is jealous of Nikki.

1. Nikki, unlike Kim seems to be respected by most of her peers in the music industry. On the recent Collab with Eminem he reffered to her as ‘NIKKI SMALLS’ kinda like comparing her to the great BIGGY SMALLS, who also happens to be the man that never really wanted Kim but used her cos she was easy and nagging and available.

2. Unlike Kim, Nikki’s plastic surgeon has done some AMAZING, FLAWLESS work. Plastic surgeon u ask? Yes. Nikki’s ass, titties and face have all been plasticized. But obviously Nikki wont tell *rolls eyes*. But ke Lil Kim always wanted us to know when she’d been under the knife, coming out looking like Babe: The Sheep Pig. *shake my damn head*, tryna compete with Michael Jackson for the "porkface award"! Get the fuck Outta Here!

3. Whilst Kim was busy chasing around after a married obese man who didn’t want her ass, Nikki is being chased by men & women who wanna tap that. Heck, I’d even tap that! Drake has mentioned many a time he wants to marry her. But Kim was just that girl being puffed and passed around like a cheap joint (best believe Diddy tapped that).

4. Lastly, lets be serious now. Does anyone really care if Kim is even still alive? This two-bit-loser-of-a-tramp BEEN beefing with everybody. From Biggies wife and his mamma! (come now, we never beef with ‘boos” mamma) Biggies Mom has been quoted as saying (re the Biggie movie) “She felt the character we chose for her was too dark. Do you know why the character was too dark for her? Because she's a white woman trapped in a black woman's body, and you can tell the world I said it, because those are Lil Kim's words”. Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh no she didn’t! Oh yes, she did!

Its clear to see that Kim is just tryna grab on to her last 15 seconds of fame. Kim, dear, as V-Mash form the legendary Jam Alley would say “4, 3, 2, 1 your time is up… SORRIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE chim’iban” Lights out ousie- your time has come and GONE….

I really hope Nikki puts Kim where she belongs, at the bottom of a medical waste bin cause really thats all Kim is. 

PS- Incase u didn’t notice, I rep #TeamNikkiMinaj

Its Barbie bitch!

Chapter 3: Idols vs. Popstars

FIGHT

Having watched both shows over the years, I can honestly say that SA Idols does not do the Idols brand any justice- quite frankly it’s a load of horse crap. But now I can’t exactly compare Popstars to anything cos who the hell (in terms of other countries) still does Popstars? So unfortunately I will have to pit the two against each other…

Round 1: Concept

Hmmmm… the Idols concept is very much Westernized- the whole me, me, me 1 winner thing is very selfish, you know the American way. And Popstars pulls the Ubuntu angle ‘umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu’ *aaahhh*, so freaking idealistic. So ya, Idols wins this round. Don’t get me wrong the Ubuntu angle is sweet- but in this life ‘sweet’ duznt work anymore- it is all about me, me, me yes, even in South Africa (corruption hello!).

Round 2: Execution

Idols wins it, only because they are piggybacking on the flawless work of the American Idols. We automatically connect the two together even though SA Idols sucks in comparison. But, Popstars just made a return after what 6 years? So maybe they’ll also find a winning formula. With time.

Round 3: Talent

Popstars. Popstars. Popstars. I think the concept of making a group as opposed to an individual artist wins here cos u get to see ppls different talents being combined to make a great product. But even if they were making an individual star- Popstars would win cos the people that get picked can ACTUALLY sing!

Round 4: Appeal

Popstars. Only because Idols insists that people produce a “pop” sound and image. On Popstars however the contestants are exposed to different types of genres and are encouraged to show THEIR best. Not the music that brings out the best in you.

Round 5: Staying Power

Neither. Cause as South Africans we are so easily distracted. We follow whatever the latest trend is and forget what we were hooked onto last year. Like, who the hell has won Idols before? I remember the people who dint win: Gift, Zamajobe and…. And…. Lloyd! That’s about it. The Poptars eventually realize that the group thing doesn’t actually work… 101, Adilah and that boy group where are hey now? Is Jamali trying to prove us wrong? Will they succeed? *whispers no*

Round 6: …

Idols is not racist ya’ll. There, I said it. The viewers and people who actually vote just don’t have an eye for talent. The Popstars just get chosen by professionals that’s why they are “perfect”. I mean, what does Gareth really know about singing? And Mara is just a Miriam Makeba-reject-wanna-be. Does she even have an original song? Where the hell did they find her? Randall is awesome.

WINNER:

And the singing talent show winner is *fake drum roll* Neither! I only really love the audition stages of Popstars you know, the really bad people, and with Popstars I love watching how a musician I made but the rest is quite bland. Truth is they both have different appeals, pros and cons. But Idols’ inability to live up to the great brand that American Idols is like being horny & wanting to have sex but only to find that your partner cant “get it up”. Ya, that feeling. 

Chapter 2: The Case of the Singer who Cant Sing...

Dear: Ciara, Rihanna & J Lo……

YOU CANNOT SING!!! & if it weren’t for your looks (& hustling on J Lo’s part) u wud not b who/where u r.

Now that I’ve said what we’ve all BEEN thinking- lets unpack it.

Chaka Khan, Patti La Belle, Mariah, Whitney- those are people who can sing. (I hear sum of u screaming & Beyonce… well, that’s to be debated). I grew up listening to these queens of voice – when I was 7 I sang my 1^st solo of Mariah Carey-Hero to a crowd of hundreds! & it makes my skin crawl to think that in 14 yrs my baby girl might sing a Ciara/Rihanna song cos those wil b the ppl she grew up listening to!

But shame, lets give props where props are due… these women are hustlers!  Lemme focus on their positive attributes.

Ciara: *crickets*  *more crickets* oh ya, nice stomach. & the ability to colab with ppl who actually are talented- Bow Wow, 50, T Pain, The Dream (but I cnt help but think she dun tapped them 2 get where she is… but that’s a story or another day!)

Rihanna: girl, walking into Chris Browns fist was by far the career move of the century! Yes, like the great R. Freeman would say “ if she didn’t wanna get hit, she woulda moved out the way”. True Story. & shame- being aligned with the Kings of the game- Kanye, Jay Z & NeYo dint hurt did it RiRi?

& the grand femme-hustler is J Lo!!! From being an extra/dancer in a Janet Jackson video to being a judge on Idols can sum1 say SKHOKHO! Mara no1 really knew who she was b4 she dated Diddy aka Sean Combs- then she did the cross-over thing by being wit Ben Affleck! Ha this girl! She appealed to the Latinas cos of her heritage, the Bantus by being wit Diddy & the Mlungus by being wit Ben. Yeah so ppl called her a hoe- but hey, she a hoe wit serious moolah! Then she married that manorexic Marc Anthony- who is rich too! Much respect 2 Jennifer! *bows down* She has taught women like me how 2 hav a serious back up plan. From dancing, 2 acting, 2 singing, 2 hoeing, 2 judging Idols. & most of all PATIENCE if u have a plan- STICK TO IT! One day it will pay off! 

Chapter 1: Welcome

so, some of u reading this know me personally & 4 those of u that dnt- this is a warning: I WRITE WHAT I LIKE. i am not a nice person & dnt pretend 2b. i say a lot of shit- sum of it is very relevant & sum is just 2 conjure up sum laughs. the hard part to is knowing when im serious or joking.... but either way take what i say with a pinch of salt.

now that we got that out the way.......... Welcome.... this is MY world & u r welcome 2b part of it.

MizUnRestricted