Chapter21: Cheating – For the Advanced

Why must humans complicate their lives mara? Lyk, this ish isn’t hard- we just make it hard. Like cheating, the rules are simple: DON’T GET CAUGHT. But people still mess this is up! Listen, I’m not saying cheating is cool/ok all I’m saying is, if you’re gonna do it, do it right!

I won’t go into why cheating is bad blah blah blah cause I don’t necessarily agree with that notion. Cheating is what it is, cheating. Its “wrongness” boils down to morals & lets face it: morals no longer hold this world together so try another argument yeah? How about the fact that we are animals? We are driven by Fight, Flee, Feed and Fuck. We are instinctively selfish & this thing of being other than that fights with our human nature cause it doesn’t make sense. Who decided that we are meant to be with one person for the rest of eternity?

Cheating is some sort of attention seeking mechanism that the cheater is sending out and frankly whoever receives the message first wins the prize. The cheater cheats for one of three reasons:

1. Cause they can.
2. Cause they want to.
3. Cause they are crying out for attention.

What I don’t understand is why the cheated always feels like they are the reason why the cheater cheated. Its hogwash! When a person is cheating they are not thinking of their partner or the consequences. They are thinking about busting a nut! Qha!

However, I do have an issue with getting caught. That shows that you have absolutely no class in hiding your shenanigans. Getting caught really is a bitch move. It shows that you are sloppy & if you can be sloppy about such maybe you were also sloppy about other things such as condoms!

Then there’s that moment when the cheater feels the need to fess up. WHAT THE FUCK FOR?!?!?!?!!? So unnecessary *rolls eyes*. This is why I say women are the best cheaters. We can fuck your brother, ur best friend even your father & you’ll never know!!! #truestory. Have a baby say its yours and only 30 years later be like “oh yeah, urhm, u know your son, well he isn’t yours.”

So here are some tips for you novices:

1. Don’t use first names. Stick to ‘honey, baby, lovie’
2. When ur fone rings, don’t leave the room! Duh!
3. Don’t communicate via text/email- its called a paper trail! Stick to phone calls, & dnt delete history- it shows you have something to hide.
4. Never confess! Deny that shit! Infact, use reverse psychology! Turn the situation round to work for you. Cry if you have to, blame ur absent father but NEVER confess!
5. Remember that humans do have emotions & are erratic so if your left breast or testicle gets ripped off in one swift move because of your dealings, you brought it upon yourself.

Be smart, Be wise, Don’t Get Caught. *tltltltltltltltl*